Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Unfiltered and Real Me...

With all the information that is available to anyone with just a click of button it's a little bit unnerving how much can be easily exposed to the world about oneself.  The more disturbing part is the fact that even with all of that information readily available out there, the real truth about people is always tucked away or not really discussed.  Recently I read a great post by Jess of Make Under My Life, in which she listed out all of the things that she was afraid to tell people.  One of my Chicago blogger friends, Tabitha took note of Jess' message and joined in on the movement.

This got me to thinking of a truth moment I'd had with myself back in 2009 when I wrote a facebook note about 'The Unfiltered and Real Me'.  In this note I had listed 25 honest truths that not a lot of people know about me and ironic enough, 3 years later not too many still know.  Even though much has changed in these last few years, these 25 truths are still very real and are a great insight into my world.

In general I am really a private person and try to not share too much about what my fears are, what my truths are, etc.  I've decided to give a twist to the movement and share the original facebook note I wrote 3 years ago.  So now I want to share with you some things about me that you will never find out in any internet search...

My 25 Truths:

1. I am really an insecure person, who has become a pro at seeming very self-confident. Those really close to me (i.e. my sister, my mom and Jesus {my now hubby}) are the only ones who have witnessed my many bouts of insecurity.

2. One great win I am so very thankful and happy for in terms of dealing with one of my many insecurities was my decision to abandon my parent's life dream of me becoming a lawyer (my mom still can't get over it, that she still has my acceptance letters from the 3 law schools I got into) and pursuing my true calling-fashion.

3. Also, because of #2 I met the love of my life and my second half-Jesus Natividad Terrazas Jr. :). I often wonder if he truly understands how complete and whole he makes me feel. I feel like I can do and accomplish anything with him in my life. {Even more amazing is that I married this beautiful man last year}

4. I am way too sensitive and overly considerate of others. I always put others needs and wants ahead of my own, and get really disappointed and hurt when it is not reciprocated.

5. One time when I was in Washington DC serving an internship for UMC, my cousin Kalo and I were talking on the metra train in Tongan and a bystander asked us if we were speaking Mandarin Chinese. We told the guy 'No' and then he proceeded to argue with us and tell us we weren't speaking Tongan and that it was Mandarin Chinese, and he was an expert because he worked in a Mandarin Chinese restaurant. This is one of the many times in my life I was wondering if I was on an episode of Punk'd.

6. My best friends in this world are my mom and my little sister Lela. For being years younger than me, my little sister has the great wisdom of someone who's experienced all the good and bad that life has to offer.

7. I am so fascinated and proud of my niece and soon to be nephew. It is so crazy how close of a connection I feel to my niece. At times I have to remind myself that this beautiful and amazing little person is my niece and not my daughter.

8. It is really hard for me to keep and maintain friends because of all the many times I have been burned in the past by people who pretended to be my friends, but in all actuality they were just using me in some way. I am always guarded and have always had a strong distrust of people in general. It takes a long time for me to let my guard down and I only have a few good friends. Therefore, I try to appreciate and treasure the few awesome and beautiful friends that I have in my life.

9. My parents, Sela Lumepa Fonua & Nitokalisi Fonua Sr. are my heroes! No one else in this world would ever be able to perform the miracles they execute on a daily basis. I attribute every single accomplishment coupled with all the great things that I am to them. It would never have been possible without these two great people.

10. It's been such a different experience growing up with such a strong and passionate identification with my great Tongan culture and heritage, that I am always so shocked that no one past the state of Colorado has heard of my great culture and people.

11. I often wonder why I burn so easily when I try and sun tan. Being an islander I don't understand how my skin hates the sun.

12. Also, in reference to #11 I am really sometimes embarrassed to admit to people that I do not know how to swim. Most people don't understand that since I've almost drowned 2 times in my life I have always had the biggest fear of water.

13. It really bothers me when people are really insensitive with their word choices. I cannot stand words like "retard", etc. I wish people would realize how insensitive they are being when they use such derogatory terms. 

14. I would spend my last $2K in the world on a fabulous handbag (preferably YSL, Chloe, Balenciaga or Bottega Veneta) or a couple of pairs of fantastic shoes (Christian Louboutins or Jimmy Choo).  {I'd love to add Proenza Schouler, Celine, Monika Chiang & Thomas Wylde to this list} 

15. I often wish I was a multi-billionaire so I could move my entire family here to Chicago. It is so hard to not be able to just drive to see my mom when I've had a difficult day at work or go over on Sundays for family dinner or just to play with my niece Sela. It hurts me so much to think of how much I'm missing in watching her grow up and to only hear her cooing over the phone. {I now have 3 more nieces & 2 nephews to add to this growing list}

16. I have a secret obsession with select reality TV shows. I try and convince myself and others that I only watch the ones that aren't absolutely ridiculous like Top Chef and Project Runway. But the truth is I love the Real Housewives of Atlanta & Orange County, etc.

17. So many people ask me about my name {Lolohea ‘Ana Fonua} and where it came from. I was named after my two grandmas. 'Lolohea' is a beautiful and rare flower in the Kingdom of Tonga, and 'Ana' is a biblical name.

18. Funny story, when I was growing up my mom would make me wear tights under my shorts because she was afraid of me getting tan. An old Tongan belief that many still embrace to this day is the notion that the lighter your skin color was the more your beauty was highlighted. This was also coupled with the idea that a proper young woman should be busy spending their time indoors and not out gallivanting around in the sun. It was such a tough time during my childhood to have to explain to my elementary friends this complex and complicated tradition of my heritage. I fondly look back and laugh now :)

19. I often count my blessings because of all of the crazy situations I have willingly put myself into over my life and how remarkable it has been that I have survived unscathed and unharmed. I performed a dare where I had to stand in the middle of a two lane street and wait until two cars passed me. Two cars from opposing directions came straight at me and thankfully did not hit me. I have to admit that it was such an amazing high!

20. One of the worst days of my life was getting a phone call from my mom to let me know that my dad was in the hospital was about to have open heart surgery because after his yearly physical the doctor discovered that he had 3 minor heart attacks in a row and they had destroyed his heart. Thankfully my dad had a heart transplant and is fully recovered.

21. I will forever be indebted to this anonymous donor's family. My siblings and I tried to see if we could contact them and they chose to remain anonymous. Thank you to them for giving me my family's rock, provider, protector, friend and dad.

22. I secretly wish that I was born with the talent for singing. I sometimes daydream about being a famous neo-soul singer. This is extremely funny because I really hate being in front of people, but envy people that are naturals at it.

23. I wish I had an awesome accent. I sometimes play around with Jesus {my hubby} and my family and talk in an Australian or New Zealand accent. I'm not really into the British accent though, only Australian and New Zealand accents.

24. People who do not speak with proper grammar bother me. I hate when I'm trying to communicate with someone and they are speaking slang or ghetto. Goodness, the first language I learned was Tongan and I still manage to speak proper English and use proper grammar.

25. My birthday is my favorite time of year! I make my Jesus {my hubby} celebrate it the way I always did growing up. It's a 2 week celebration :)


  1. Great post babe:) I love you. i also feel like i can accomplish anything with u by my side:)

    1. You just made my heart smile! Love you muchos :)

  2. What a great post. I can really relate to the insecurity. I think it's good to share certain truths about ourselves.

    1. Thank you Kim! I definitely agree. After writing this I and sharing this here, I felt such a relieve and surprise, surprise insecurity but in a good way. :)